The Control-Surrender Paradox
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
The more I try to control my life, the more anxiety I have.
It’s that simple.
To think - and then believe - that it all has to unravel in a particular way is the single most stressful thought I can have in a given day.
Paradoxically, when I dare to let go, to Surrender it all, and see where the Universal wind blows (because it’s going to blow in that direction anyway), is when I can relax.
After all, even the images of control and surrender paint their own somatic pictures, don’t they?
The controlled person, all clenched up, gritted teeth, white knuckled…how NOT relaxing.
The surrendered person…open, curious, anticipatory, raw, present, receptive.
Of course, surrender requires faith…a trust in something bigger than you. And let’s be honest about something, we don’t trust God.
We see God as a Punish-Reward Master who lowers the boom when we least expect it.
But if we were wise, we would really look into that theory.
The word Sin has a long and varied history of definition. But the definition that I think comes the closest to its original etymological essence is from ancient Greek thought.
Sin was looked upon as, in essence, a failure on the part of a person to achieve his or her true self-expression and to preserve his due relation to the rest of the universe; it was attributed mainly to ignorance. It paints a picture of an island…an isolated being, attempting to run his or her own show without any relational experience.
Could it be that what we have always deemed to be a Godless Universe - or at least a Universe with a Tempermental God at the helm - was really a misconception of Self?
If I have seen myself as an island, alone and navigating the whole of my life by myself…that is one hell of a lonely and even scary existence.
Could our belief as the driver of our own ships have been the very basis of our greatest turmoil?
To think that in this never-ending Universe, and on a planet of 7.8 billion people, that the entire trajectory of my life needs to be mapped out by me…what an overwhelming and anxiety producing endeavour.
Let’s face it, we have a lot of moving parts here. We could even say, that we’re in a certain dance on this planet.
The dance includes seasons, timing, birth, death, solar events, wind patterns, the butterfly effect, moon phases, cellular turnover, hearts that beat all on their own…I could go on.
If we were really honest with ourselves, we would readily admit that all of this (and infinitely more) happen without even our slightest input or agreement.
It just happens.
The Control Experiment, it seems then, has failed.
But we’ve got an even better alternative. In fact, it’s the alternative that changes the entirety of your life.
When I dare to uncurl myself from my own will and open to receive instead of direct, I shift the entire tectonics of my being.
I am no longer caved in on myself. I am no longer small.
I am an open, receptive, expanding Being.
Everything in our known experience as human beings - as any being, really - is relational. Meaning, the very basis of our lives is lived through relationship.
Our destiny is also relational.
Think about what it is that you think that you need and want. Now ponder, for a moment, where those needs and wants come from.
Some of them, no doubt, come from the more awake parts of yourself. But I would bet that most of them come from the unconscious, unmet and even hurt parts of yourself.
How can we know this? Because a needy, wanting Soul is precisely the Soul that feels alone and isolated. It is the Soul that still believes that it needs to fend for itself; go life alone; figure it all out in its own little corner of the world.
What I have found out in the last little while is that it is the act of Surrender itself that upends the pain in our lives.
It is not what happens as a result of that Surrender but rather the relational act itself.
It is coming back into ‘right relationship’ with existence. It is emerging from the shadows to be enveloped by God.
So often with clients over the years, we have made contact with an inner, traumatized part, and inevitably, that part has been hidden away in a dark, dusty room…alone.
It is uncanny how our deepest suffering is depicted by isolation.
This is why the narcissist suffers so deeply. In their misguided attempt to inflate and pedestalize themselves, they have doomed themselves to what it is they fear most.
Being alone.
Having the control never made you happy. It only made you anxious.
So we Surrender…again and again and again.
We dispel any notion that a relationship with Source or God has anything to do with reward or punishment.
Because, in truth, that is precisely what keeps us from coming back into relationship with The Sacred.
We’re scared. We’re afraid that we’re too guilty, too tarnished, too unlovable.
And there…right there…is exactly why a relationship with God is so redemptive.
Because it is the only relationship that is UNCONDITIONAL.
It places no conditions on you. At all.
This is the heartbeat of human experiencing. To come back into unconditional love. If you can find a human being that can offer you this, let me know.
I’d love an introduction.
But until then - and I wouldn’t hold your breath - we return to Source.
This is the code that cracks all codes.
And deep down, this is already known.