To Be Free or Not To Be Free
“Love consumes us only in the measure of our self-surrender. ”
Human beings have wrestled with the question of Free Will for as long as we’ve had questions to ask.
I always find it so incredibly interesting to note just how badly we argue in favour of Free Will; like that would somehow be the better verdict.
I suppose it all comes down to your belief in The Sacred; in a transcendent reality that exists beyond the individual.
Free Will, in and of itself comes with this implication of freedom.
That if I am to be the sole author of my life, then…phew!!! What a relief!!!
Okay…so let’s really hone in on what that looks like. But before we do that, we’ll need to take an honest look at what the Human Being is.
Of course, when we are brand new here, as helpless little babies, we couldn’t possibly have free will, right? We are placed in the - hopefully - capable and loving hands of our parents or caregivers. Our will is certainly not our own, at least in the beginning.
We start to grow, develop, create minds of our own. We know from decades of psychological study that our egos come online around the age of 7. The ego is what distinguishes us from “the other.”
At this stage, we’re developing our initial belief systems about ourselves and the world around us based on our conditioning.
We could still say that at the age of 7, and for some years to come, that we still do not have free will. We are still at the mercy of our caregivers, teachers, authority figures. We’re still being guided.
Okay…so let’s fast forward to early adulthood. We’re finally FREE! Yippee!!!!
It is here that we decide how we really want to live, work and love. But what is deciding? Is it the rational mind? The emotional body? What, within you, is making these decisions? Because we know from the age of around 7 years and onward, we’re a jumble of belief systems based on our conditioning.
We also know that belief systems are neither true or false.
They are simply beliefs about life.
Beliefs are like a particular bent or filter. They are not reality itself but rather an interpretation of reality. It would be impossible, therefore, to say that any of our beliefs are true.
What we can say about the Will of every human being that has ever walked this earth is that the basis for every asserted will has always been one thing:
To be happy.
Blaise Pascal said, “All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attended with different views. The will never takes the least step but to this object. This is the motive of every action of every man, even of those who hang themselves.”
Ok. Now we’re getting a little closer. We’re a little closer to the ambition of the will of every human being.
But what about that pesky conditioning? What about all of those layers of belief systems that we all incurred from the time we were born? Our conditioning can include anything from the following beliefs…as a start:
I am more lovable when I am not seen or heard
I am better when I am pursued by the opposite sex
I am ugly when I’m angry
My worth is contingent upon my making money
Resting is lazy
I’ll never make it
Girls are inferior
Boys are superior
Youth is better
Old age is worthless
Money makes me special
I am safe when I hide
I am only seen when I am loud
If I’m funny then I’m acceptable
A nice person always says yes
Life is never on my side
You get the idea…the conditioning and subsequent belief systems that support such conditioning is infinite and WE ALL HAVE IT.
So I will ask again, when we feel that we are making choices in our lives, where are these choices coming from? What part of us is doing the choosing? And what part of is so adamant that it be US who does the choosing?
Now…let’s zoom out a little bit. Let’s assume, for a moment, that there is a God or a Higher Consciousness from which all matter has burst forth. And let’s assume that as the very name suggests, that this Being…this Consciousness…is Intelligent. Benign. Compassionate. Loving.
What is stopping you from placing the Will of your Life into the hands of this Loving Intelligence? I can probably take a stab at this…Fear.
John Milton in Paradise Lost seems to have had the most poignant idea on this subject when he imagines Satan saying, “Here we may reign secure; and, in my choice, to reign is worth ambition, though in hell: better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.”
If we were to deconstruct this symbolism, it might reveal itself as, Hell being our denial of a Consciousness of God…or our denial of anything of substance outside of ourselves.
That we, and we alone, are it. And if we are not it, we are certainly the only one to be trusted.
How bleak.
The original Hebrew and Greek definitions of “sin” meant to “miss the mark.” In other words, to sin is to mistake who and what we are. To sin is not to do something bad, it is to mistake ourselves as sovereign.
It is to go it alone in life.
Again. How bleak.
On a very personal note…I have wrestled with the notion of Free Will for years. An inexplicable and life changing event in my life, about 15 years ago, radically changed my relationship with Free Will. I was shown that in Surrender, miracles happen.
When I gather up my life and bring my being into the smallness of myself and deem to “be in charge” life imitates this stance and things get smaller; darker.
I’ve seen and experienced this again and again. And so Surrender has become my path.
When I try to run the show with anything, really - my personal healing; my career and service in this world; my relationships; my health - it doesn’t tend to go well. After all, my attempt to run the show is my conditioning telling me, “I’m the only one who can do this.”
But that’s like getting lost in the woods, and despite having a GPS, throwing it away and declaring, “I’ll find the way on my own!!!”
Cue the teenager foot stomping.
To truly mature…to truly evolve…is to admit, “I don’t have this. Not on my own, I don’t.”
And what a relief that is.
If this is speaking to you, stay tuned on where Surrender has most recently brought me. It has been the most unexpected and almost shocking journey of my life. I will fill you in soon!!!
Until then, check in with yourself to see what feels better. Gathering up your life into your own hands (which also means your own conditioning and belief systems) or surrendering to a Sacred Will. A Will that knew you before you knew yourself. A Will that has loved you throughout the whole drama.
What feels better…whatever it is, be brave and walk boldly into that.
With great love,
Ann xx