When The ‘Self-Help’ Dream Dies

We’re firmly ensconced in the era of ‘self-help.’

We have decided, with conviction, that there is something wrong with us and we need to fix it.

Self-help takes on many different forms.

EMDR, Family Constellation Therapy, Astrology, Somatic Experiencing, Tarot Cards, Yoga, Psychic-Mediumship, Internal Family Systems, Holistic Nutrition, Meditation….you get the idea…the list is infinite.

Of course, it must be stated and stated clearly: There is nothing wrong with any of these forms of help. I’ve tried most of them and still practice and offer a handful of them.

However, there is a great assumption baked into the self-help cake that condemns this model to ultimately falter.

It assumes that we can fix ourselves while leaving God out of the picture.

The problem with this model is one that enlightened spiritual teacher and author, Eckhart Tolle addresses all the time in his talks.

He likens our lives to the rays of the sun. Each of us is a ray of the sun, but not the sun itself. The sun, of course, being God or Source. When we try to act as a single ray, disconnected from its very Source, we don’t tend to do too well.

The vast menu and variety offered by the self-help industry is wonderful if we first go directly to the Source.

This requires us to do two very difficult things: First, it requires us to sit in silence - in prayerful contemplation - with God.

Second (and this is the part we really don’t relish), it requires us to surrender.

To surrender is to admit that I don’t know how this should go; that my way clearly doesn’t work and that I’ve opened myself up and given myself over to The One who does know the way.

And then to leave it at that.

This, of course, is the antithesis of the self-help model. It says to us, You have work to do, girl, and here’s how that’s going to look. We’ll begin with a strict dietary change, we’ll continue with sun gazing, carry on with chelation therapy and wind all of this up with a visit to a Shaman.

You’re welcome!!!!!

Again…there’s nothing wrong with any of these things! It’s not the ‘what’ that has gone sideways, it’s the ‘how’ that has gotten lost.

And the ‘how’ is actually a ‘who.’

The ‘who’ is God.

As someone who has tried literally everything; all the diets, all the various forms of therapy, all the mudras, the affirmations and exercises…it has all come back to the place we never actually left.

Home.

Heaven is Home. God holds the simple truth because God made you.

Deep inside of every living thing, this is known. But it is scary.

It’s scary because we come to love our dramas. Being sick allowed me to say NO. “No, I can’t make it. I don’t feel well.” Instead of, “No, I don’t want to go.”

Having anxiety gives the mind something to turn over and parse apart. Anxiety says, “If I can just figure this all out ahead of time, then I’ll be okay.” But the near constant mental gymnastics known as anxiety has never actually done the trick, has it? It’s never actually solved the problem.

But it all gives the illusion of having accomplished something…of having created a sense of safety.

It also does something very specific to the nervous system.

It fries it.

All of this running around as an island, believing that if I just keep going and keep eating the way I know I should and yoga-ing and chanting and tarot carding…THEN…something must work…right?!

But the end result of this monotonous self-help tsunami is complete exhaustion.

Haven’t you noticed?

Haven’t you noticed that the very act of trying to heal yourself creates more of the same suffering?

I finally noticed this.

Call me late to the party but it’s been an unbelievable revelation to me.

Here I sit, decades later, with the same litany of grievances.

OK.

We’ve got one more door to open here, friend.

You and I both know it.

It’s almost always a last resort because we hand over the reigns when we walk through this door.

But you’ll never know what’s possible for you…for this world…if you don’t at least try.

Sit down everyday for a month. Sit with God. Let him know that you’d like to try His way for a while; that you’re opening yourself up to the intimacy of this relationship.

PRAY.

Be embodied in your prayer. Drop into your heart and imagine that you are literally in His arms.

Revisit this image daily…many times a day, preferably.

Rest your body. Rest your nervous system.

You weren’t meant to be a one-man/one-woman show.

It was always going to come down to this.

And deep in your heart, you know this to be true.