A “You” Centred World
Did you think I was going to be writing about how your world needs to be all about your path…your reflections…your preferences…your ambitions?
Nope.
New sociological research tells us that the more we think about ourselves and talk about ourselves (especially in therapy), the higher the rates of depression and anxiety.
Now wait a minute!
Isn’t this the antithesis of what we’ve been told about the self-help movement? Like, if we could just figure ourselves out once and for all, we would soar like eagles!!!
Turns out, that’s not actually true.
In Abigail Shrier’s new book, Bad Therapy: Why The Kids Aren’t Growing Up, she sheds a light on how the therapeutic industry is taking what are normal, human responses to a screwed up world and are pathologizing them to suggest that something is wrong with us.
It’s a bombshell insight into a world that has been self-focused in an almost obsessive way.
And it’s not working.
In fact, studies over decades have shown that the opposite of self-focus is what moves the dial in our levels of joy and appreciation of life.
This doesn’t mean, nor am I suggesting, that you don’t seek help when you need it. Of course we’re going to get the help that we need when we’re stuck. I get help when I need it. I offer help when it’s requested.
It means that the day-to-day focus on ourselves is not promising the reward of a better YOU. In fact, it might be making you feel worse.
Showing up for others, having a passion that serves in some way, and…wait for it…simply getting on with your life no matter how shitty you think it is, all goes further to materialize that ever shape-shifting state we call happiness.
I would take this musing even one step further (and I believe this to be the ultimate flex).
When we dare to serve something of the highest value possible - I would call this God…really, call it whatever you like - that is where the rubber really hits the road.
Of course, this requires putting down our self-obsession for a minute, including our tech, our business, our distractions, our interactions…and sitting quietly with whatever it is you call The Highest.
In this space we don’t have to do anything other than simply BE with this Beingness. I have found out that that is enough.
To bring our attention to the ultimate Creative Force and turn towards THAT. Breathe it in. Open your Heart. And let go.
That is what it means to leave - even if temporarily - the monotonous self-focus trappings that we all fall into. That trap that never does keep its promise of finally!!!! figuring it all out and finally!!!! getting to where we’ve always wanted to go.
Do you notice we never actually arrive?
The ego whispers surreptitiously in our ears that if we turn away from ourselves that it will all fall apart…we will not get what we want (do we even truly know what that is?)…and that without this continuous self-focus, our lives would surely go to hell in a hand basket.
But the world holds so much beauty. So much wonder. So much awe.
And it’s waiting to meet you in your glorious, broken, earthly persona. It doesn’t ask you to be prettier, slimmer, better, smarter, or less screwed up.
God has never asked this of you either.
It’s only ever been YOU that has demanded some perfected version of yourself.
What if you could actually let that go?
What if you just LET YOURSELF BE?
What if you gave yourself a break?
What if, in your supposed brokenness, you got yourself up off the floor and simply got on with it?
I dare you…